Fragile World 5p131a

Table of Contents

Cover Fragile World Covid Is The NEW Paranoia Let Them Dictate Laying In Bed Subject Of Controversy Pepe Le Pew In My Head Hardest Thing I Tried Depression Thought About Death It’s Fine, Unless It’s Me Done Smashing Words Bad Things Always Happen To Nice People Decisions Aren’t Easy For Me You Think Your The Queen Bee He’s A Nice Guy, But....

Fragile World

by Ken Squires

Copyright 2021 Ken Squires Publishing Smashwords Edition

Image from: http://Pixabay.com

Website: http://kensquires.myartsonline.com

Music: http://KenSquires.bandcamp.com

Podcast:

https://anchor.fm/ken-squires

Covid Is The NEW Paranoia

Never thought I would see the day of people paranoid about nothing You mention the word covid to people and they freak about that thing I see no reason to panic, I see no reason to change how one lives Sooner than later for some reason this will be in the history archives My own mother is afraid to leave the house thinking it’s out to get her You should hear her rant and rave about what she thinks will occur I resigned from work cause she was that paranoid that I was going to bring it home Thought it would be for a few months, it’s been almost one year since I’ve gotten this bone Now I got told the only way I’ll be able to go back is if I get my full license that’s a two year ordeal All because she’s that fucking paranoid about nothing, just mention it near her and hear her squeal She’ll sit and watch the news in the evening, yelling at the tv “why aren’t you wearing your masks ?” As if she’s the reporter with the microphone wanting to stop everyone and that’s the question to ask She’s convinced that the government knows exactly what to do But as we watch things change in colour scale from red to grey (lockdown), we know whose calling the shots, do you ? These covid shots make no sense, saying that they have no side effects

They are just going to inject you with what will be coming next It’s clear to me that they are dictating our lives As they want to stress us out until we get fucking hives The only way this shit will go away is if you dumb shits quit talking about it More you flap your damn gums about covid is more we have to fucking submit Governments got us tied with our hands behind our backs, bent over a table Never did they buy us dinner first, wish I could tell you that this is a fable But they are owning us like a priest owns a little boy Yeah I had to go that route, because we are the governments toy When we don’t listen we are the ones who get slapped around But the slaps keep getting harder even though most of us are already laying on the ground If you commit suicide, they will claim it’s part of covid as the numbers will raise So they can drop to there knees and sing the covid praise I’m turning forty later this year, I don’t think I’ll be alive to see this thing end If this was a game show I don’t even have anyone that I can phone a friend This covid shit has to stop, the government has to smarten up Even though we all know that’s never going to happen Next thing is they will put the ball gag in our mouths Then no more lube as they stick it in harder down south They will soon speak that it’ll be illegal to say anything false about this disease

As we look at them and they remain on bended knee Ken

Let Them Dictate Let them dictate the lives you live, every day you better say the words covid Since it’s dictating your life, your no longer in charge and refuse to change or get rid Of that, but that’s how you want to live your life Believing everything the government says is true, your not sharp as a knife Your dull as a spoon which is only good for plucking out eyeballs, so we should take yours Since it’s the blind leading the blind and your buying the shit they sell, next you’ll be on all fours Taking it and being the bitch and not in a good way As you have submitted and no longer have any say They give you false news and claim it’s real to keep you hiding Saying that they are the only ones who can give you rules so you better keep on abiding It’s the public display of BDSM This one is perfectly legal as they got you bound and you’ve already submitted to them Afraid to think for yourself and do your own research No wonder humans only use ten percent of ones brain, you don’t exercise your right to search To learn, to become knowledgeable but you want to believe what they tell you thinking it’s all true

They have already beaten you emotionally and have you black and blue But they don’t care anymore, they are using your holes for how they see fit Since once again your bound and have clearly chosen to submit But when one speaks out and chooses to be different you better hide and say that’s not your master He doesn’t work in one of the big government offices and he isn’t your pastor That definitely isn’t a church I’ll be going to, even though sure my church may also have BDSM But while your bound and submitting, it’ll be your own personal enjoyment that’ll have you submitting to’em That’s no way to submit since you have so many fantasies that are much more fun than those Even if you want to feel yourself impaled on my big hose At the end of it I will shower you with many and one rose Petals, as we move ahead into the world that allows you to freely think To be yourself and let you live the life you choose, here’s fresh juice to drink We need to cleanse you from that kool aid that they have forced down your throat As I’m sure you can think of other things you would rather have to coat your throat But this will indeed be your own personal enjoyment and save you just like a lifeboat

Ken

Laying In Bed Laying in bed tears streaming down my face, watching the show called a million little things They say the answer to a good friendship is a million little things, I think a million little things is a reason why I want to cut my life short to get my angel wings Argue with me if you will telling me that I won’t goto heaven if you wish But to me you seem like a catfish Nobody knows what will and what won’t get themselves into that exclusive place Nor if it even actually exists or if the after life is just nothing, it doesn’t exist not a single trace But watching that thing and while they speak about how a million little things is friendship Also for the most part a million little things is no doubt the reason why one of them ended Things early, we all have our reasons, I know that I do As I watch that show I can’t help but feel like all my reasons want to come true I’ve learned that nobody truly cares for one another certainly not me and very doubtful you

What’s the point of going on, I got nobody in my life, I can’t even find anything to make me happy But I’ve found more and more things that certainly keep me unhappy

My life gets dictated me since I clearly have no choice in what I’m allowed to do anymore I’m sure things would be difference when either my body or blood hit the floor They will look for answers, or maybe they won’t I may just lay rotting until I begin to smell With this family I don’t think it would be a small surprise nor would it be a bombshell I know I’ve had family on my fathers side who took there own lives I think one of them scratched an itch similar to the style of Ernest Hemingway If I’m not mistaken the did it in method of what is a very popular childhood game In which you had to guess letters or get bits of someone as you try and figure out something, I see no blame I don’t put any shame on either one of them for what they did You never know what goes on behind closed doors, as only you know your internal thoughts I like to mix rhyme with free verse from time to time, I feel that one bit of writing doesn’t have to be one style In order to get a point across or to make ones writing worthwhile

Ken

Subject Of Controversy Can’t believe we now live in the era where Disney has to put a warning on movies cause people find that shit offensive Not to mention libraries pulled books by Dr Seuss for the same reasons, fuck people are hypersensitive In this day and age they want to complain about every little aspect, guess they all must be scientists Since they be putting everything under the microscope They want to ban everything but yet two people of the same sex can still elope Interesting how that doesn’t offend but old books and cartoons do and need to have warnings on Life must be a chess game and society is it’s biggest pawn Easily taken over and knocked out by everything including it’s identical twin Next thing milk will be illegal since your raping the cows, shit I better not say that then they will begin Guessing milking a cow isn’t consensual so it’ll be considered rape to some, people are so stupid Makes me want to walk around slapping people, putting duct tape over there mouths and telling them they’ve been muted They cry about everything I’m surprised we haven’t ran out of tissues yet The world has been flooded with stupid people, stupid people is the worlds biggest threat Want to over analyze everything that goes on while you tell us how WE need to make the world a better place

Step one in doing so is do yourself the favour and quit being a fucking disgrace

Ken

Pepe Le Pew Offended by a cartoon skunk is the new norm in this day an age So many young parents hands up, emotions all in a rage “You saved my kids from Pepe Le Pew” If that’s how you feel then whose going to save your kids from YOU ? Your not doing your kid any favours, your telling them how to live and be offended by People like you guys are more offensive than that damn skunk, you guys shouldn’t be able to multiply But yet here you are with kids Something that cancel culture should forbid Your offended by everything under the sun Guessing your afraid of actually having some fun Yes Pepe Le Pew is fun, nobody is going to subscribe to your life’s tv show when it’s on reruns I’m surprise people give a shit about people like you now What’s next ? Talking will be considered rape culture, you morons had kids, something that we shouldn’t allow Better get offended by a guy telling you what to do Take to twitter, facebook and anything else to allow your voice get heard Heard ?, like cows, standing eating grass standing in your own turds Sooner than later you’ll be on my plate as a nice slab of steak

Proteen ?, Protien ?, Protein certainly welcome it with a nice shake

Ken

In My Head Ken fucking Squires, how you doing ? Hows life going ?, Do you me ? I’m just one of the voices in your head, as we stay in here where the rent is free We are here to make sure that you struggle with your identity Making sure you suffer with depression on the inside until you get diagnosed with it clinically As you try to act like you have everything together, by the way aren’t you almost forty Shouldn’t by this age you have yourself a wife or at least someone to call your little shorty But as you sit there at your desk with your phone next to you, you know it’s never going to go off with a message from someone who loves you Perhaps it’s time to pick up a paper and start looking for a mail ordered bride, maybe someone like that will due But then while you think you have the confidence we will make you doubt every bit of your existence To the point of you’ll swear that you must be a ghost as you are now non existent I bet while we’re pulling those strings having you question everything That the outlook of suicide must look like a positive thing I can’t leave myself alone with nothing to do These thoughts come flooding into my mind, this isn’t any sort of breakthrough As it’s always been this way and I always struggle with being myself

At the end of the day I see myself sitting on the shelf in a urn collecting dust just like that Christmas elf You’ll never hit the levels of anyone you look up to so why do you try The only sales you ever made were from your erotica which you pulled down as you sit in your room alone and cry Nobody wants to you, nor do they care to read anything you release that they have to pay for What’s this you dropped a new album ? Nobody is going to buy it, nobody ever purchases a score Artists continue to get poor as you try to make some money off of this crappy shit and get more depressed as things fall through Then you get so frustrated that you then turn your stuff to free just so people will read what you have and are going through That’s the only way people will read what you have to say As nobody gives a shit about you at the end of the day You could spend a week writing dark suicidal thoughts than quit for a month Think anyone going to give a shit or care what you do, give them an hour then it’ll be lunch When you don’t write people don’t care Your not that interesting, nobody cares that you have just shaved your hair It’s a common look for you, as you keep sinking money into these hobbies When they are better off being left in the lobbies I can’t leave myself alone with nothing to do These thoughts come flooding into my mind, this isn’t any sort of breakthrough

As it’s always been this way and I always struggle with being myself At the end of the day I see myself sitting on the shelf in a urn collecting dust just like that Christmas elf Everyone will be happy if you just leave You have no family, your not Wally, June, Ward or the little beaver That’s something else you can kiss goodbye No one is going to want to be with you and I know you don’t have to be asking why You know the thoughts that swirl around in your head I’m not even talking about the ones that we toss into that pot Your chasing things when you might as well stop I can’t leave myself alone with nothing to do These thoughts come flooding into my mind, this isn’t any sort of breakthrough As it’s always been this way and I always struggle with being myself At the end of the day I see myself sitting on the shelf in a urn collecting dust just like that Christmas elf

Ken

Hardest Thing

Hardest thing to do is apologize

To more or less man up and say sorry

To it you fucked up

Over the last year I’ve been doing lots of thinking and been sending apologies on facebook

As my actions three and four years ago weren’t the best

Went through a break up, my mind wasn’t right

I acted stranger than normal

I asked questions to people whom I shouldn’t have.

I have been slowly stepping up to apologize, I dread the replies

At times I think I should leave well enough alone

A other times I think I did the right thing

Clearly they crossed my mind for some reason, was it because of covid

Was it because the world is in a fragile place right now and I want to make amends ?

Or am I hoping that it unlocks some deepseeded feelings for me that they didn’t want to it ?

I honestly don’t know

The unknown is a scary thing

But for some reason I have chosen to venture there

Ken

I Tried

I tried, I really did try Not going to come up on here and lie Broke up with my ex in 2017 I tried to treat her like a normal person since then, showing her the same love and respect as any other While she continues to run her mouth about me, now I scratch my head and say “why bother ?” She thinks I’m the worse human on this planet, even with all I’ve done for her after we split Her friends take her sides, I knew they would, I guess they’re hoping to stick it in her as a benefit Whoops there I go slipping off into that side where I go trashing her As she keeps drinking to try to make me a blur Let her twist her words, claim this and that The only one who believes her are her acrobats They swing off her low hanging, her saggy, her ... yeah there I go again down that path Not going to go down that, she doesn’t need to feel my wrath I may not be dating but I’ve put that behind me and kinda laugh about it when brought to my attention Clearly when it comes to me I cause her some sort of hypertension Tried to be the nice guy with her, I didn’t see what the big deal was, near the end of the relationship We seemed to be more friends than lovers, not that she would treat me like shit

But she would reject my advances and make up excuses Telling me it’s just like married life now She’s the one who wanted to act all “funny” after we split As she now looks at me as a worthless piece of shit Oh well, but she lived with me for over three years after we split, since I didn’t want to see her on the street I bet nobody else would do that for her, they would kick her to the curb as soon as she refuses to put out in the backseat Homeless now she lives in a trailer when she’s home, so I guess that makes her trailer trash But I’m sure she’ll end up giving anyone her rash As you won’t even have to pay her cash Ken

Depression

Back in 2015 I was feeling depressed, the person that I thought I could lean on told me she didn’t want to hear and go talk to a doctor Made an appointment sat in the room holding a piece of paper feeling nervous and confused she gave me a prescription, now I sit here and write to mock her The first batch of pills didn’t work, the following month got a new batch As I began to digest them my body went in for a rematch After those thirty days still nothing this continued for four batches before she sent me to a psychologist The guy was a fucking idiot, barely could speak English must have been fresh off the boat Every word I spoke he didn’t seem to understand I wanted to go straight for his throat I later got taken off of them, got told that I needed to find my own happiness Felt like grabbing the fucking doctor by the throat telling her if I could I wouldn’t be sitting here before you But instead I walked away, a few years later I started a job at walmart and the depression hit again This time I found myself drowning in tears as well as shaking, I at night I would pull a knife out Began to cut myself, it was all on my hands, I wanted people to see the scars That’s how little I cared about what people thought Nobody said anything for the most part, my ex did, then my mom and I brushed them both off Didn’t want to hear it, since I know the stupid advice my mom gives on the daily

I continued to do so for almost six months on and off Each cut I made was enough to draw blood, the only thing I felt was when the water hit my hands They tell me that if your depressed to seek out help I don’t believe that help actually exists Since we are all here looking for answers and I believe that most are given just generic answers in hopes of it helping Some people run to the bible saying that makes all the difference, I don’t believe that either Preaching the word of Jesus doesn’t do anything for me and this is coming from a former altar boy

I’ve gone through times when I’ve questioned my own existence not to mention the existence of the one who created us Is it like how the books say or were they written by someone who was bored to try to give life meaning They keep saying that the second coming will happen but in this day and age we would lock him up in a padded room. I’ve tried telling people to seek help but it’s hard to keep a straight face over it When I don’t believe that help truly exists

Ken

Thought About Death

Been thinking about death as of late Been thinking about it a lot How could I not ? It’s all around us I thought about myself dying A world without Ken, sure many would be happy, few would be sad Thought about how I would like to die Old age, in my sleep, disease or suicide In this day and age the last two seem to be heavy favourites People talk about how it’s important to have good mental health People talk about how you can find people to talk to about mental health I understand, we all have different mental health strength But if we are all being forced to go through the same thing, how can someones mental health be strong ? Why would a total stranger care about me ? Why would a total stranger care about my mental health ? It makes no sense to me To listen to a total stranger tell me that I have a lot to live for It’s like listening to a total stranger tell me that when it comes to love, there is someone out there for everybody I don’t believe that, especially in this day an age. I thought about people wanting to say goodbye to me

The list is empty, I don’t think anyone would who wouldn’t be forced I thought about the ones I want to say goodbye too They are my plush friends who I’ve had most of my life They are the ones who don’t judge and will always be here for me, for that I miss them the most I have nothing going for me, my writing means nothing to anyone In fact my writing has greatly slowed down as of late, I have ideas, I just can’t be bothered Perhaps it’s depression, it wouldn’t surprise me It’s a deep dark hole Something I don’t see me climbing out of Something I see me masking over and lying about Since I know I have nobody here for me I have nothing going on in my life I won’t be missed So many others deserve to live on They have friends and family I think about death a lot As of late certain things are more difficult for me to do Some think they are simple, but don’t understand what goes through my mind I can’t even explain it to them cause they don’t understand They tell me I’m stuck in my ways, they just don’t understand, they act like they

do, but they don’t I can tell especially with the responses I get from people Things like “suck it up” or “get’er done” So instead I die on the inside But for some reason I go on living on the outside Ken

It’s Fine, Unless It’s Me I’ve learned over the years that men can compliment women But if I do it, something is wrong and they turn around to walk away Starting to think I’m that ugly and I don’t have permission So over the last few years, I’ve stated things before a compliment like “sorry if this is wrong but...” followed by my compliment It seems to soften the blow or that’s how it seems as I actually get reactions They don’t seem to care for my compliments Which makes me think that it’s ultimately me in the end Maybe I’m just unable to talk to women As I treat them with respect, are they even use to this ? Is this a new concept ? I’ve heard many females I’ve known in my life getting abused both mentally and physically by guys I treat them with respect and get no where Am I suppose to abuse them and treat them like garbage, is this the new normal ? Starting to think that’s the way shit is now a days Guess I won’t be getting another female ever again I don’t see me treating one badly

But that appears to be what wins them over

Ken

Done Smashing Words

Was with the same distributor for a few years now, thought it was my place to be Turns out it’s not what I’m looking for and it got me into bad habits and it wasn’t challenging my creativity They accepted all submissions which is good they never once chose to censor anything I had said Nothing from my past that may have been grotesque or any of the times I described a chick giving me head I would release things like crazy as I knew what I could get away with and at first I seen statistics but that fell off Those stats did nothing but flat-lined at one point they showed something the next they dropped-off I kept producing the same great content, but never made the frontpage, always felt overlooked As the time went on I got to the point of no longer selling a single book April 29th came around that’s when I logged into each of my s and deleted everything Gave it time for all the companies to drop what I have written to remove my mention of the company

Even my site vanished from online, just wanted to put myself on vacation Didn’t leave the house so it was more of a stay-cation As everything vanished behind the scenes I did things, I was searching and plotting My brain fired up again like a mad scientists doing experiments as I seen the ideas I was spotting

Many of the short series I have written will be released in a single book rather than various shorts Renamed and repackaged put out through a different distributor Since I don’t want to lose the old stuff even though I have a new contributor Even had fresh ideas on how to market things that I never had before

My own personal store became empty while I continue with this evolution Some ideas I have are so crazy I should be locked up in a institution Everything one does is a journey, just because you start at one starting point it doesn’t mean you’ll be on that same path until the end So come follow me on my path and don’t forget that my name is Ken

Bad Things Always Happen To Nice People Been almost forty years of my life, got nothing good to show for it The struggle continues, the struggle to speak to people Most of the time I wonder. Why should I even speak ? All they do is make up there own assumptions about me, as well as talk behind my back They also question the dumbest things No matter how hard I try, bad things always happen to me My life is more of a struggle than anyone would ever know I constantly get told that my life would be better if I listened to people But I don’t see what the point is for the decisions they want me to do I see it being costly and it forever being costly, something that I barely can afford They don’t see it, I don’t know how.. Then they call me names making me not want things that much more I know my future is nothing bright, especially with the way the world is going Every week it’s a new scare tactic in order to make you think you have the virus I’ve given up, so much that I use to enjoy now I have given up on it I spend most of my time sitting in bed watching movies I honestly can’t be bothered to do anything else

People tell me it’s depression I call it life, this is the way life is now I sometimes look for people to spend my days with Other times I just don’t care, I’m fine with being alone

At least I don’t have to worry about any decisions of mine affecting others I’ll have nobody to depend on me

Communication with me is at a stand still I would rather not talk I just don’t care anymore This is the way the world made me Talking causes trouble It’s not like anyone has ever cared about me anyways It’s not like anyone has ever cared about me anyways

Ken

Decisions Aren’t Easy For Me Everyone pressures me to make decisions, complains when I don’t make the right ones according to them They have no idea what goes on inside of my head when I have to make a decision Even if I had to explain it, they wouldn’t understand It’s not like I could explain the thoughts and feelings linked with each decision My mom tried to get me to explain then she claimed she understood and gave me a stupid response Showing me all this time that I knew she didn’t understand I quit trying to explain things to people, I’m no good at it My brain stresses No matter what the decision it’s not easy, I feel that everything is weighed heavy I feel like I get yelled at if I don’t make the decision they don’t want me to make For the most part I do If they could spend one day with my brain, even that I don’t think they would understand Most of the time I feel sick when trying to make a decision They all try and tell me it’s because of other things like my mouth Or they try to get me to goto a psychiatrist, like it’s going to help They are going to pay out a ton of money for me to get no results I have literally banged my head against the wall in hopes of it helping

It does not Sleeping at times is the only way I can escape But at times that doesn’t last long

Ken

You Think Your The Queen Bee As things go downhill for people you know, ones around you see how out of touch you truly are Yelling and screaming about why people don’t do there jobs As in a few hours you’ll be yelling and screaming at the tv about the covid numbers But you don’t ever seem to put the two together, as covid is around it makes more work It has more protocols that one must do. Simple tasks before this now have extra steps and precautions But you think they need to drop everything for the ones you care about You don’t know what else is going on in places like that nursing home All you know is the one person you have access to. Someone would explain it, but we’ve all seen that we can’t talk to you Everything has to be your way and the world would be perfect Problem ? Yes, that is that you only think about yourself and your too blind to see it If someone tries to explain you yell at them telling them they are wrong Stuck in your ways ? Of course you are, but your afraid to it it But you call yourself a rebel, when your just a regular person who does nothing close to rebel Thinking you have a better solution ? You should become a helper at the nursing home

So you can see the protocols, when you break them you know what happens ? Suspension and loss of job. They don’t care your reasoning as they don’t put up with things Once again your out of touch, you’ve only worked in one sector and think you know how the world works What’s those famous lines “I don’t believe you” and “I’m not stupid” I bet you couldn’t hold down a retail job with how you are, you think you’d rise the ranks You’d be tossed quicker than you would realize because you refuse to do things your way Thinking you would walk in and be your own boss and do what you want Every place has protocols and now they are worse than ever I see how out of touch you truly are The rest doesn’t cause they come to your aid to save you I’m sure they talk behind your back, since you don’t want to learn Guess when your that age learning is too much of a difficult task Makes me shake my head. If I ever get like that, I hope I end my life

Ken

He’s A Nice Guy, But....

Words that every nice guy has heard Words that every nice guy hates to hear No wonder why so many nice guys are single That’s not what women want You ever take stock in someone ? Pay attention to the previous relationship Pay attention to the current relationship

You will quickly see similarities People are drawn to certain aspects a “bad boy” if you will But they want to be treated like a human But that’s not what goes along with the persona The persona is fake it till you get it then act how you want I’ve seen it happen time and time again Sitting on the sidelines I shake my head As much as you want to say something, why bother ? You sit back and watch the female take her bruises At times you may even reach out to comfort her But that shit gets old quick, you quickly back away You know it’s going to happen again and again

You can’t do anything to help, since it’s up to them to learn They won’t listen to you, but they will block you on social media Then you give up on them, but overhear from others how they are being treated By that time you have walked away from that situation You don’t have a “S” on your chest You don’t have to play superman to get the girl You don’t have to save the world. That shit just doesn’t fucking work It’s a tale of fiction as old as the world Ken

Seen It All Before

Always checking out new rappers, I get inspired a great deal from them. Came across one by the name of Tom Macdonald, was impressed at first but he lost his flavour like chewing gum After less than a year he’s been repeating himself over and over At first it seemed like he was on a mission to take rap over But now he’s doing what every rapper has done His latest video he has his girl up on it dressed up talking about fakes Nobody once clued him into that video no matter how many outtakes He must be talking about himself when it comes to people being fake Then he will flip things around and call people snowflakes But wait a minute Thomas, being independent also means you have to handle all the business Which actually mean that you have to have wisdom You can pay for someone to ghost write your lyrics and shoot your videos But if you want to sell merchandise then you have to have some knowledge about that I ordered two cds from you back in September 2020 here we sit early June 2021 I’ve yet to get them Don’t be telling me it’s covid, nor telling me that it takes time to get to me. That makes you a fucking joke, come clean and be honest I got lost in the shuffle But Thomas quit dodging my emails like you have something better you should be doing

Well that money I sent is a lost cause, guess I can forget about it

Won’t see anything from that, will just have to get over it. You say your reaching new heights

Too bad none of what your doing is actually you Your being lead around, being told what to do and when to do it like a puppy I’ve seen poets on Commaful with more talent than you’ll ever have At least if I want to invest in them and buy something I’ll actually get what I pay for Ken