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Copyright 2010 Derek Rake and DerekRake.com

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Copyright 2010 Derek Rake Publishing. All rights reserved. (65)8238-2082 | derek @derekrake.com 6001 Beach Road #08-07, Golden Mile Tower, Singapore 199589.

Contents Chapter 1. Getting Past Your Insecurities Stop feeling ashamed. Making Eye A Few Things to Consider A smile’s worth a thousand words.

Chapter 2. Chatting 101 Walk your talk. Have a seat. A Few Don’ts Get talking! Give and Take Working a Crowd

Chapter 3. Making Lasting Conversations Getting to Know You Listen Some More Don’ts Ask for advice. Know when to stop. Jokes Demonstrate Your Attraction Touching Get those digits!

Chapter 4. Where to Meet Women Do a little “prep work.” Libraries and Bookstores

Shopping for Dinner…And a Date! Get some fresh air…and a date!

Chapter 5. Neat Tips and Tricks Jukebox Jam Friendly Competition Talk technology. Get the scoop.

Chapter 6. How to Get a Date How soon is too soon to call? So she picks up the phone. Now what? Where to Go

Chapter 7. It’s time for your date! Relax What to Say Even More Don’ts Small Talk Date Conversation at a Glance What if we’re not done talking? Parting Ways

Chapter 8. Moving Along… Reconnect Up the ante. Eliminate expectations. Keep at it.

Introduction

B

etween work and athletics, most guys can do just about anything. They set their minds on a goal, and take the necessary steps to achieve it. With every venture conquered, they feel stronger and more fulfilled.

Why, then, is it so hard for many to talk to women? After all, they’re arguably the softer, gentler of the two sexes, so what’s to fear? Truth be told, most guys would rather get a tooth pulled than chat up an attractive female, and the reason why is simple…they’re insecure. The media and society is largely to blame for this insecurity. Guys are surrounded by messages indicating that women only want rich, handsome, and successful men. And while it’s true that these characteristics are attractive, they aren’t necessarily deal breakers to the opposite sex. You are an individual, and if you dig deeply enough, you’ll find that you’ve got plenty to offer a woman.

“

You are an individual…you’v e got plenty to offer a woman.”

It’s when you compare yourself to other guys – guys who are nothing more than mere illusions to women – that you set yourself up for failure. As cheesy as this might sound, you have to learn to love yourself, for when you do, true love will quickly follow. This book will teach you how to do just that. Besides not knowing how to talk to women, many guys also don’t know how to treat them. So you’re not famous or rich. So what? If you know how to behave around the opposite sex, you will be leaps and bounds ahead of the other guys. The fact is that many

men are unable to read a female’s body language, thereby ruining any chances they might have had to know her. It’s a shame, really. So what exactly do women want? Ah, that’s the age-old question, isn’t it? Most men immediately conjure up images of diamonds, pearls, or flowers in their minds. These are nice gestures, no doubt, but the truth is that women desire something far simpler (not to mention less expensive). They want to be cherished. They long to be the apple of your eye…adored and savored. Make a woman feel like this, and she’ll never stray. I’m sure many of you have been attracted to women, and these women hadn’t a clue of your interest in them. I’m guilty of this as well. Before I learned the art of talking to women, I was a nervous wreck around them – sweaty palms and all. I’d sooner choke than open up my mouth around an attractive female. One in particular didn’t know I was interested in her until one year later, when a friend spilled the beans to her. By that point, however, it was too late. She was engaged to be married, and I was still single. Even if a guy does know how to speak to and treat women, he probably doesn’t know how to read their body language. Women are a mystery, to say the least, and their expressions or behaviors serve to clue men into this mystery. Being unable to receive these clues is a huge mistake that – when corrected – can drastically change your love life. You’ll see women in an entirely new light, and realize just how many of your past crushes got away. So are you ready to do this? Are you ready to discover the man you truly are, and just how much you have to offer the opposite sex? Are you ready to conquer your fear of talking to women, and come out stronger and more confident? Whatever your goal is in reading this book, I promise that you will achieve it. You will succeed, so let’s get started…

Chapter 1. Getting Past Your Insecurities

Y

ou know the deal: You’re out at a club or bar, when suddenly, she walks in. From head to toe, she’s stunning, and you can’t take your eyes off of her. Truth be told, none of the guys can take their eyes off of her, and she seems to know this. For

ten or fifteen minutes, you battle yourself as to whether or not you should go up and talk to her. You finally muster up enough courage to do so, but you’re too late. She’s leaving…with some other guy. Or let’s say that she doesn’t leave, but instead, she catches you checking her out. Instead of seizing the opportunity to approach her, you quickly look back towards your drink, shuttering inside. This one movement is enough to ruin any interest she might have had in you, as it plainly shows your insecurities. The worst part is that you know this. I want you to take a moment to consider this last example. What harm was done by her catching your glance? Did the roof cave in? Did she grow furious at your interest in her? Or worse, did you literally die of embarrassment? If you’re living on planet Earth, chances are good that none of these things happened. The truth is that a lot of girls enjoy being checked out. Once again, it all boils down to their feminine desire to be cherished, beautiful, and savored. If, on the other hand, she appears disinterested in your interest, what’s the big deal? You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of, and no harm was done. Stop feeling ashamed. I’ve said this to make you realize one thing…there’s nothing wrong with looking, so stop being embarrassed. Once you embrace this truth, you’ll grow one step closer to

overcoming your insecurities. When that happens, you’ll be far more confident at approaching the opposite sex. Making Eye Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, only one question remains…how do you effectively look at a woman? For starters, don’t quickly look away, as though you’ve done something wrong by checking her out. If anything, you’ve done something right. You’ve demonstrated with your eyes that you find her attractive, and aren’t the eyes the windows to the soul? Rather than look away, why not accompany your eyes with a sincere smile? I’ve said before that women need to feel beautiful, but I’d like to take a moment to delve into this truth a bit further. Almost every woman (no matter how stunning) possesses insecurity. Take one look at the television or magazine ments, and you’ll understand why. Every day, women are hounded by messages telling them they aren’t skinny,

“

You should know that she’s appreciating your iration of her.”

gorgeous, or desirable enough. That being said, women

are

constantly

in

a

state

of

self

improvement, fixing something that wasn’t broken in the first place. Everything from the clothes they buy to the surgical procedures they put themselves through is proof of this. For this reason, don’t think that you’re insulting them by iring their beauty. If anything, you’re

doing them a favor. You’re acknowledging their natural splendor, and that is a rare gesture that never goes unappreciated. Let’s get back to the woman at the bar. You make eye with her, and instead of looking away, you smile. A few minutes later, you catch her watching you again. What should you make of this information? For one thing, you should know that she’s appreciating your iration of her. She’s also indicating to you a mutual interest on her

part ( what I said about a woman’s body language?) Consider this a good sign, as it’s the green light for you to get to know her. A Few Things to Consider Before we get ahead of ourselves, however, there are a few things you should consider. For starters, you should never stare for too long at a woman. Maintaining eye for ten seconds is fine, but anything longer than that, and you’ll likely scare her away. When that happens, you can forget about getting to know her at all. Another thing to consider is this: After you make eye , look away and focus on your drink, friends, etc. This will eliminate any creepiness she might feel towards you, and it will show her that you’ve got your own agenda for the night. The fact that she fits into that agenda only sweetens the pot. After a few minutes or so, check her out again. Lather, rinse, and repeat. Also, don’t be frustrated if (after catching your eyes on her) she turns away at first. If she’s like most women, she’s probably a bit shocked by the attention, but trust me when I say that she’ll be thinking about it the entire time. Give her a few minutes, and she’ll eventually grow curious enough to meet your gaze. When this happens, it’s time to get to know her better. A smile’s worth a thousand words. But you don’t want to simply charge at her, full-steam ahead. that women are a mystery, and it takes a gentle approach to get close to them. Try moving too fast, and she’ll waste no time shutting herself off to you. This has been the demise of many a seduction attempt, so don’t make the same mistake. So what’s the best way to move forward? Like I said before…use a smile. If she seems to be the conservative type, then go light on the bedroom eyes. If, on the other hand, she seems outgoing and ready to mingle, maybe throw in a wink or funny face. It’s all about judgment, so just follow your instincts.

If she returns the smile, it’s time to start talking.

Chapter 2. Chatting 101

F

lirting with women is all about taking one step at a time. You just saw how some simple eye and smiling can convey interest, and in a very powerful way! The next step is just that…take a step.

Towards her, that is. Most men – when approaching a woman – only think about the end result, which is actually speaking to her. They neglect to pay attention to their walk, posture, and other signals of body language. Every step in her direction can work for or against you, so pay attention to the message you’re sending. This is a huge mistake, and I’d like to take a moment to correct it. Walk your talk.

“

Your body sends nonverbal messages…and you want this message to be a positive one.”

It’s all about confidence, fellas. It’s great if you’re naturally confident, but you’re reading this book, so chances are you’re lacking in this department. Have no fear, for confidence can be easily faked. At any rate, it should be faked, at least until you possess a healthy dose of the real deal. Until that happens, however, you should know that your body sends nonverbal messages to everyone around you, and you want this message to be a positive one. With that being said, hold up your chin, pull those shoulders back, and smile like you own the place. Remind yourself that she’s only a woman, not a monster, and you won’t be hurting anyone by approaching her. You’ve got this.

Have a seat. If there’s any empty chair next to her, ask her if it’s taken. If not, ask her if she minds that you sit there. If she agrees (which she most likely will), then take a seat. Tell her your name, and ask for hers. From there, maybe throw in some flattery. Tell her she has a lovely smile, or compliment her choice in drinks. Ask her if she comes here often, and get her recommendations on a menu item. A Few Don’ts I’d like to sidetrack for a moment to give you some tips on what not to say or do. For starters, stay away from any physical at the moment. It’s a little, known fact that every human has an invisible parameter of two-feet surrounding them, designated as personal space. It’s generally reserved for family, friends, or anyone that person is closely acquainted with. At this stage in the game, however, you and she are still strangers, so don’t overstep your boundaries. While sitting beside her is fine, keep your hands to yourself. If you don’t, you can kiss any chance of getting to know her goodbye. Regarding compliments…don’t go overboard. One or two is fine, but telling a woman over and over again how beautiful she is will do more harm than good. Physiologically, a woman’s brain is wired very differently than a man’s. She is more skilled at intuition, better able to read faces, and can sense the unspoken intentions of another simply by detecting fluctuations his or her voice. In other words, she can (and will) detect bull, so don’t throw any at her. I don’t state this to scare you, but rather, to help you understand that compliments (when used incorrectly) can ruin your flirting. When used in moderation, they can be a very effective tool at getting to know a woman better. When overused, they sound less like compliments and more like insincerity, so use them wisely. Get talking!

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, what should you do next? If – after chatting with her for a bit – you think things are going well, why not offer to buy her next drink? Not only does that show you’re considerate, but it also demonstrates your interest in her. If she says yes, consider that a good sign that she wants the banter to continue. Just be prepared for her to possibly decline your offer. If this is the case, don’t let that frustrate you. If her smile and eyes are telling you that she’s enjoying your company, she probably is! Everything I’ve discussed up to this point involves you spotting a woman from a distance, but what if she was seated next to you? How is this scenario any different? To be honest, it’s not, other than the fact that you’d be in a rare and lucky position indeed. With a quick turn of your head, she’s there, and she’s just waiting to meet you. Once again, getting to know her would start with a glance. With you being at an arm’s length from her, however, you’d be best off getting straight to the smile and introduction. When across the room, eye is your best friend, but when seated face-to-face with someone, you’re almost required to say something immediately. As I’ve said before, greet her, share your name, and ask for hers. Using compliments is tricky in this situation, as she was not several feet away for you to notice her beautiful eyes, smile, etc. She just happened to be there, so laying on the flattery might come off as a bit strange. During moments like this, I find it’s best to use your environment to launch a conversation. If the room is crowded, comment on how you normally hate crowds, but this place seems to be pretty cool. Ask her if she comes here a lot. Notice her drink, and ask her if it’s any good. If a song is playing, and you’ve got a story attached to it, share it with her. If some drunk is making a fool out of himself across the room, why not use that to your advantage? If it makes her laugh, you’re doing well. Give and Take But don’t just talk about yourself. These tips are designed to get a conversation going, but by definition, a “conversation” is talk between two people. It’s about give and take, so

make sure you ask about her as well. Ask her if she enjoys going to places like this a lot, or if she came with anyone. About that song that’s playing, find out what type of music she likes. If you notice an interesting piece of jewelry on her, ask where she got it. Compliment her name, and see if she knows its origin or what it means. The sky’s the limit! Working a Crowd All of this takes into a quiet, relaxed environment for two people to get to know each other. You and I both know that’s not always the case. In fact, it’s not at all uncommon for bars and clubs to be like herds of wild animals, bumping into and screaming at each other non-stop. If anything, this scenario makes it impossible to meet a good woman, right? Well, not necessarily. While a crowded venue does increase your level of difficulty in meeting someone, it does not have to be complicated. You just have to change up your tactics a little bit. Start off by spotting a girl you’re interested in. Once again, the crowd will make eye a challenge, if not an impossibility. In other words, you shouldn’t expect to lock eyes with a woman who’s wedged in between hundreds of people. She’ll be too preoccupied to notice, but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you noticed her. From there, you make your first, real move. With your sights set on her, steadily move your way through the crowd and in her direction. Once you’re next to her, “accidentally” bump into her. If she’s like most girls, she’ll laugh and apologize, to which you smile and tell her not to worry about it. Right there, you’ve got your conversation opener, and you only had to elbow a few people in the face to get it! While “accidentally” bumping into her is necessary in order to meet her, don’t overdo the touching at this point. Gently placing your hand on her shoulder while talking is one thing, but grabbing her bottom is something entirely different. As I’ve said before,

everyone has a designated area of personal space, and just because she’s in a crowd does not mean you can help yourself to her body. This is a huge mistake that a lot of guys make, and they pay for it…trust me.

Chapter 3. Making Lasting Conversations

I

’ve stated earlier that conversation is a two-way street, give and take. If you master this concept, you’ll be well on your way to making lasting conversations. Let’s delve into this idea a bit further.

Getting to Know You People – especially women – love to talk about themselves. With that being said, if you’ve got a list of general, “getting-to-know-you” questions memorized, you and she can talk for hours upon end! The trick is in knowing what to say, when to say it. The following introductory questions will get you started: 

“Where are you from?”



“Do you come here often?”



“What do you do for work?”



“How did you get interested in that line of work?”



“Where did you graduate from?”



“What school are you enrolled in?”



“What’s your major?”



“What’s there to do around this town?” (Use this if she’s a local.)



“What do you do when you’re not working?”



“Are you here by yourself, or did you come with friends?”

These questions may sound bland, but that you and she are still strangers at this point. It’s only natural to ask basic questions such as these. These “getting-to-know-

you” questions are designed for one thing, and that’s to get a more interesting conversation going. Listen With that being said, you must also learn to listen. It’s not enough to simply spout off questions. In order for the banter to bear any fruit, you must receive what she’s saying, and build off of it. Once again, conversation is all about give and take. She might mention that she’s the same major as you studied, but you wouldn’t

“

You must learn

to listen…conversat ion is all about give and take.”

know it, because you were too busy dozing off or thinking of the next question you’ll ask her. And when a man isn’t listening to a woman, she knows it. Some More Don’ts Since I’m on the topic of basic, introductory questions, I think it’s only wise to list a few that you should not – under any circumstances – ask a woman you just met. If your goal is to get to know her better, eliminate these from your memory and vocabulary entirely. Once you and she are in a date scenario, the answers to these will likely come out of the wash. In the meanwhile, don’t ruin your chances by asking them: 

“How old are you?”



“Do you have any kids?”



“Are you looking to hook up?”



“How much money do you make?”



“Have you ever been divorced?”



“What kind of guys do you like?”

Some of these questions may seem innocent to you, and if that’s the case, you need this book more than you realized. Similar to the physical barrier for space, most people –

especially women – have an emotional barrier, reserved only for those they are fully comfortable with. Her age, income, relationship history, and other personal topics are just that…personal. You have to earn the right to learn more about them, so hold off on anything too taboo at the moment. Ask for advice. Whew! Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, I’d like to give you another tip to successful dialog. Simply put, ask for her advice on something. Believe it or not, men aren’t the only ones with big egos in need of stroking. Women also enjoy feeling valued and needed, so get her opinion, or ask for help in some regard. If you’re both runners, ask her where she jogs. Tell her where you run, but mention that it’s losing its appeal, and you need some ideas to change things up a bit. If she really praises one particular trail, ask her how to get there. If the conversation is going especially well, why not suggest you two meet up there sometime? This would require you to get her phone number, and if she agrees, you’re golden! But things don’t always go as planned, do they? What if – after suggesting you and she spend some time together – she shows little to no interest? To be honest, several things could be going on here. Maybe she’s genuinely not interested. She could just be unaware of your interest in her. Perhaps she already has a boyfriend, and instead of just being honest with you, she’s beating around the bush. Some women act interested in men when they really aren’t, simply because they don’t want to be mean. The possibilities of what’s going on are endless, but that doesn’t mean you should give up. Don’t grow frustrated; just keep talking to her. Retract from asking her out, and resort back to some of the basic, introductory questions. Doing so will show her you’re genuinely interested in her, and if there’s one thing women like, it’s being considered interesting. After talking a while longer, try asking her out again. If she truly was clueless about your interest in her, she should get the point by now. If, on the other hand, she’s still proving to be a challenge, it’s best to just move on. Know when to stop.

But there’s a fine line between knowing when the stay the course, and knowing when to jump ship, isn’t there? Well, to be honest…no, there isn’t. The fact is that some guys haven’t a clue. They think a woman is “playing hard-to-get,” when in reality, she’s just not interested. It’s a cruel blow, I know, but it’s also a fact of life. What happens then is these guys waste a good chunk of time – time that could’ve been spent getting to know another woman – on someone they will never get to know.

“

Some guys…think a woman is “playing hard-to-get,” when in reality, she’s just not interested.”

Enjoying a challenge is one thing, but sometimes you have to lose the battle for the sake of winning the war. Here are a few signs that she’s just not that into you: 

She gives short, one- or two-word answers.



She doesn’t maintain much eye with

you. 

She focuses on her drink or other surroundings.



Her laughs are bland, if anything at all.



Her eyes don’t squint when she smiles, if she smiles.



She doesn’t ask you about yourself.



She gives you multiple excuses for why she has to go.



She seems frigid and unresponsive to your questions or comments.



She mentions a boyfriend or someone else she’s currently seeing.

Jokes You might not have known this, but laughter is an aphrodisiac (something which excites a person’s sexual senses). With that being said, if you can make a woman laugh, you’re doing well. You may be thinking that you’re not a funny guy, but with a few tricks up your sleeve, you’ll realize that you don’t have to be a comedian in order to make a girl laugh.

When I refer to jokes, I don’t mean the corny one-liners you learned in elementary school. “Why did the chicken cross the road?” is not only dull, but it will get you nowhere. Instead, notice your environment, and pick out a few odd quirks to comment on. Tell her about a crazy incident that happened to you a few days ago, and embellish the story a bit if you have to. If a guy across the room is wearing a loud, neon-printed shirt, tell her you almost went blind while looking at it. This last idea made me think of another point, and an important one at that. When using humor, realize that some things just aren’t humorous. Teasing the guy with the neon shirt is one thing, but making fun of a person with a disability is not. Women are very sensitive creatures, both personally and for those less fortunate, so any cruel comments will only work against you. Other taboo topics to stay away from are religion and politics. For all you know, she could be a devout Catholic, so your joke about priests and little boys will not only offend her, but it will ruin your chances of getting to know her all together. If you have a favorite comedian or show, use some of their material. She might recognize the line, and if she does, great! You just found something you two have in common. Mention how much of a fan you are of the show, and throw in a few more comments about its cast or episodes. From there, she’ll likely share with you some of her favorites, and the

“

On a subconscious level, she’ll feel a certain comradeship with you.”

conversation will thrive. Something as innocent as enjoying the same music or shows can work wonders for you. On a subconscious level, she will feel a certain comradeship with you. She’ll feel safe, if only because you and she are both fans of the same comedian. Keep the ball rolling, and ask her what other shows she likes. If you know of a comedian coming to town, casually suggest a date to see him perform. You’ve found common ground, so don’t underestimate the power of such a discovery. Demonstrate Your Attraction

As you talk, you’ll want to throw in hints of your attraction towards her. Some guys love to do this, while others completely shy away from it. This latter group needs to understand that if a woman is going to regard a man as a romantic prospect, she has to be certain of his romantic interest in her. If he’s coy and never compliments her physically, she’ll likely mark him off as friend material, and leave it at that. So what’s the best way to show a woman your attraction? At this point in the game, you’re still strangers, so you don’t want to scare her off. On the other hand, you do want to take things to another level, so something must be done. The trick is to casually fit your flattery into the conversation. The following are some easy ways to do just that: 

Ask if her eyes are green or hazel. When she answers, tell them they’re beautiful.



Get her laughing, and tell her she’s blushing. From there, tell her how cute that is.



If she’s really comfortable with you, tell her she looks beautiful in her dress.



If she’s beaming at something you said, tell her she has a gorgeous smile.



Notice a ring or bracelet she’s wearing, and gently grab her hand to compliment it.

Touching This last tip brings me to another very important point. At some stage in the conversation, you should know if things are going well. If this is the case, it’s time to take the physical up a notch. I know I’ve stated the importance of respecting a person’s space, and this still holds true. Groping and grabbing is never acceptable, even between two people who are well acquainted. If you’re going to heat up the interaction, however, you need to establish a mental, emotional, and yes…physical connection. While in conversation, gently place your hand on her arm while stressing a point. If walking together through a crowd, hold her hand. Touch the small of her back to guide her through a doorway. These gestures – while seemingly small and innocent – can do big things for you! Don’t underestimate the power of the slightest touch. Not only does touch indicate your interest in her, but it will help you determine if she’s truly receptive to your advances. For example, let’s say you lean in towards her during

conversation. If she stays put, allowing the closeness, chances are good she’s enjoying you. If, on the other hand, she leans back to counteract your advances, you know to slow down a bit. Her being unreceptive to touch doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not interested, but rather, she might be more reserved than you originally thought. Get those digits! Whatever the case, if the conversation went well, don’t leave her presence without getting her phone number. Be cool and confident, and say something like, “Well, I’ve gotta go, but it was great talking to you. If you don’t mind, I’d like to get your number. Maybe we can continue this conversation later.” If she agrees, then great! If not, well at least you worked up the courage to talk to a new woman, and better luck next time.

Chapter 4. Where to Meet Women

M

eeting a woman in a bar is one thing. Singles tend to go to bars, and if a person is single, chances are good he or she is looking for a date.

But what if you’re not in a bar and some beautiful woman walks through the door? Are all bets off? Everything in you is telling you to approach her, but how do you do that in such an ordinary setting? Believe it or not, talking to women in everyday places is easier than you might think. Do a little “prep work.” Maybe the bar scene just isn’t you, or perhaps you’re tired of the types of people you meet there. If this is the case, you have to expand your horizons. You can start by doing a little homework. Scout your city for any local hangouts. Parks, stores, libraries, and other public venues can be great for meeting people, so check them out, and see if they draw the types of women you’re attracted to. Cities are also filled with free or low-cost events every week, so pick up a newspaper, or check out your city’s Web site. Festivals, concerts, and other public events draw crowds, and where there’s a crowd, there’s bound to be at least some pretty women! Also, don’t underestimate the power of the newspaper. Besides looking for events, read some of the current events. If you’re looking for a classy, educated woman, you’ll want to brush up in these areas. Maybe you decide to check out a local band. By learning a bit

more about their music, you’ll be prepared to talk to a female fan of theirs. All of this “prep work” may seem mundane, but a little goes a long way. Libraries and Bookstores I always say that if you want to catch some fish, head to the water, not the forest. In other words, know the type of women you’re interested in, and only go to places that would appeal to those women. For intellectual guys or just guys who like to keep up on their reading, libraries and book stores are ideal. Right off the bat, you know you’ve got at least something in common with the women there! Aside from this, there’s an abundance of material surrounding you that can serve as conversation starters. But libraries and bookstores are large, to say the least. There are tons of sections devoted to different subjects and publications, so where should you start if you want to find the ladies? In order to eliminate some of the difficulty in this, a good go-to is the magazine racks. Women are suckers for a good, quick read, and magazines give them just that. If your tastes are a tad more tailored, visit the section you’re most interested in, and see if you get lucky in love. Subjects such as “hardware” won’t do you much good, as most women have little to no interest in it. But “fiction,” “mystery,” or “biographies” are nice, generic topics that are appreciated by the masses. If worse comes to worst, just scour the library or

“

Know the type of women you’re interested in, and only go to places that would appeal to those women.”

bookstore for anyone who catches your eye. Make your way in her direction, pick up a book nearby, and casually flip through the pages. After a few seconds, slyly notice what she’s looking at, and ask her what’s she’s heard about it. Tell her you’re getting bored with the television, and are in need of some good reads to get into. Find out what some of her favorite authors are, and share yours. Ask if she can recommend anything, and give her a few

recommendations as well. As you can tell, we’re at the point where a conversation either takes off or flops. It’s the same scenario as in the bars or clubs, only in a different environment. If she seems to enjoy talking with you, casually change your questions in order to get to know her better. Resort back to those basic, introductory questions we covered earlier. If you happen to be in a bookstore, chances are good there’s a coffee bar either in or near the shop. Why not suggest you two stop by for a drink to continue the discussion? If there’s no place in the immediate vicinity, there’s only one thing to do, and that’s bite the bullet by asking for her number. Tell her that you really enjoyed talking to her, and would love to talk some more. I know this is uncomfortable, as the environment isn’t your normal, “pick-up” environment, but with what little time you have, you gotta do what you gotta do. For this reason, it’s paramount that you use your judgment regarding her interest in you. As I recently stated, a woman will give very clear-cut signals if she’s not attracted to you. Based upon these, you should know whether or not she’d be open to giving you her phone number. Shopping for Dinner...And a Dinner Date! When you think of places to meet women, grocery stores don’t usually come to mind. Oh sure – we’ve all heard the story about two singles coincidentally reaching for the same jug of milk, only to get married two years later, but does that really happen? Well, yes and no. The truth is that supermarkets are fantastic places to meet females! Women are domestic at heart, so anything that has to do with food or the home will be a magnet to them. While it’s true that there are a lot of married ladies picking up dinner for their families, if you look hard enough, you can find some single ones as well. Believe it or not, single girls like to cook too!

As opposed to libraries or bookstores, one of the best things about groceries is that the products apply to anyone and everyone. While most guys would hesitate to meet women in the “romance” section of a bookstore, any guy can shop for food…no matter what food it is! By now, you should know what your first steps should be. Spot a woman you’re interested in, and make your way towards her. Pick up a few items, and check them out before asking her opinion on them. One of my good, girl friends met her husband while shopping for cake mix. She was choosing which Betty Crocker flavor to buy, and he asked her if she could recommend a good steak. She pointed out that he was in the wrong section for that, after which they had a hearty laugh and conversation. That weekend, they both shared a steak over dinner. I’m not going to reiterate what you should say and do to get a conversation going, cause by now, you should know this. You’re familiar with the signs that a woman is interested versus disinterested, so I won’t cover those either. In a nutshell, you’re using the same tactics as in the bars, only in a supermarket. If anything, you at least know that the women you meet shopping probably like to cook, which is always good! In closing, I’d like to share with you a tip about meeting women at grocery stores, and that is to pay attention to your timing. There are certain hours in the day – or days in general – which are either good or bad for this particular venue. In general, working hours during the week days are hopeless for finding women, as many of them are, well…at work. If you want to increase your odds of bumping into females, do your “shopping” on weekends, as the sky’s the limit then! If you must go to the store on a week day, try between the hours of five and eight o’clock. Most people are out of work by then, and stop by the store to pick up something for dinner. Get some fresh air…and a date!

Ah, there’s nothing better than the great outdoors, especially when it’s filled with plenty of single, attractive females! Parks are great places to meet women. Not only is there a variety of females to choose from, but you can almost be guaranteed that whoever she is, she’s healthy and fit. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not saying that every woman at the park likes to keep in shape. I’m simply saying that the odds are in your favor. While parks are popular venues for the public, meeting women there can be tricky. Parks are generally used for activities of some sort. People go there to run, play games, have a picnic, or just take a walk. With that being said, a guy seated alone on a bench just watching others looks, well…kind of creepy. After all, Ted Bundy picked up women at parks too…right before he killed them. So what do you do? For starters, use the park for its purpose. If you’re a runner, run. If you’ve got a dog, take him out for a walk. Even if you don’t have a particular activity in mind, make sure you’ve got something to keep you busy. Bring a book or newspaper, or chat with a friend on the phone. Whatever you do, make sure you’re prepared. If you’ve got business cards, bring some to give to any girl you chat with. Right then and there, she’ll have your name and phone number. At the very least, bring a notepad and pen to write your information on, and ask for hers. Come to think of it, this advice works well in every situation Let’s get back to what I said earlier about dogs. If you’ve got a pooch, you’ve basically got the key to attracting women. That’s not to say that every woman likes dogs, but for the most part, they do. Bring Sparky on a walk or run in the park, and watch as more than one female kneels over to pet and coddle him. As they say…it’s a dog’s life.

Your dog has basically done half the work for you, so use him as the launching pad for a conversation. Tell the woman all about your dog: his name, where you got him, what his quirks are, etc. Show her a few of your dog’s tricks, and if he fails to perform, use his disobedience as an opportunity to joke about “what a lazy mutt” he is. She’ll be guaranteed to laugh. From there, ask if she has any pets, and if so, inquire about them. Just be careful that the “dog talk” doesn’t grow stale. In other words, entice her with the dog, but maintain her interest by talking about other subjects. You know the drill. Show her that you’re attracted to her through your body language, and ask basic questions about her. If you’re nervous about asking for her number, just tell her how much your dog seems to like her, and how both of you would like to see her again! Slick, huh? So if you don’t have a pet and aren’t allergic or afraid, what are you waiting for? Head out towards your local animal shelter for a new best friend. Not only will he be great companionship, but he’ll do wonders for your love life. Trust me.

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If you’ve got a pooch, you’ve basically got the key to attracting women.”

Chapter 5. Neat Tips and Tricks

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hile spotting a gal and starting a conversation with her is fine, it’s also typical. That’s not to say that there’s anything wrong with it. After all, I devoted half of this book to teaching you how to do just that. But if you’re

getting bored with the same routine, or want to come off as different from the other guys, this section is for you. The following are some unique tips and tricks for getting to know a new woman. Jukebox Jam If the venue you’re in has a jukebox, keep your eyes on it. When a beautiful woman stands near it, approach the jukebox and pretend to be deciding on a selection. After a few seconds, call her over, and ask her to help you pick a song. what I said about women liking to share their opinions? This is ideal in that regard, as almost everyone has something to say about their choice in music! Friendly Competition Bring a buddy or two, and head out to your local bar or pub. If you spot a group of girls, approach them, start talking, and challenge them to a friendly game of pool or billiards. No one can resist a chance to show off, and the activity in itself serves as an incredible icebreaker. Team up boys against girls, or even better, pair up with the girl you’ve got your eye on. From there, decide that the losing team buys the next round of beers. Talk technology. In today’s day and age, you can’t go anywhere without spotting the newest mobile device. IPods, cell phones, laptops…we’re living in a very technological society, so use this to your advantage. If you spot a cute girl, see if she’s using some sort of device. Casually approach her, and comment on it. Ask her what it is, what it does, and how much it cost. Even if you already know all about it, she doesn’t know that! By the end of this

conversation, however, she’ll know a heck of a lot more about you, and that’s all that matters. Get the scoop. If you see a woman reading a newspaper or magazine, you’ve got a lot of material to work with. Check out the front page, and if a story is familiar to you, comment to her about it. Ask her if you can borrow a particular section, say…the “ events” section. Pick out a movie or show, and ask if she’s seen it. Just let the conversation roll.

Chapter 6. How to Get a Date

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’ve given you all the tools necessary to talk to women, and even better, get their phone numbers. This might seem like the hard part, but the fun has only just begun. Now you’re faced with countless questions:

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When do you call her?

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What do you say?

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Where do you go on your date?

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What do you say on your date!

First of all, take a breather. She gave you her number, right? So that means she’s obviously interested. Secondly, that a date is nothing more than a face-to-face interaction designed to get to know someone better. It’s more intimate than the bar scene, for sure, but it’s not going to kill you. And besides, if you can muster up enough courage to start a conversation with a complete stranger, you can do anything. Let’s get started… How soon is too soon to call? We’ve all heard about the “two-day rule,” right? If you haven’t, it basically states that a man should wait two days after receiving a girl’s phone number before actually using it. Isn’t this

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If you’re really interested in a girl, you have to show her.”

just another form of playing games? Well, yes and no. The fact is that if you’re really interested in a girl, you have to show her. One of the biggest mistakes guys make is trying too hard to appear cool. They wait weeks before calling a girl, and by that time,

she’s either lost interest or forgotten who he was all together. Don’t think that you’re the only guy who’s pursued her, because in truth, you probably aren’t.

On a similar note, calling her the same night you get her digits will make you appear too eager and desperate. While she might be flattered, chances are she’ll be wondering how sad your life is. It’s a little, known secret that girls love drama and suspense. Why do you think soap operas have been on the air for decades? With that being said, put a little mystery into your pursuit of her, and at least let a day go by before dialing her. Personally, I’m a big fan of the “two-day rule.” It’s just enough, without being too much. So she picks up the phone. Now what? It’s never easy talking to strangers, but like I said before, you worked up the courage for a face-to-face interaction with her. A phone conversation should be a pinch, right? Not necessarily. It’s common knowledge than most guys are awful when it comes to talking on the phone. If they’re not chatting with their buddies or moms, then they just aren’t interested in it. But you’ve gotta do what you gotta do, and with a little preparation, you can do just that. Before we delve any further, I’d like to stress one crucial point. Do not – under any circumstance – send your would-be date a text message. Sending a text to confirm the time you’re picking her up is one thing, provided that you’ve already worked out the details verbally over the phone. But sending her a written message in place of your initial phone call is tacky, to say the least. Not only does it show your date that you’re not the least bit interested in speaking to her, but it demonstrates cowardice on your part. In other words, you didn’t have the guts to talk to her, so how manly can you be? Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s talk about what to say. It wouldn’t hurt to have a few ideas in mind ahead of time. If it makes you feel better, write down a few questions that you might forget to ask in the heat of the moment. If you get her machine, prepare a greeting to say. There’s nothing more mortifying that leaving a stuttering, nervous message, only to realize that you can’t delete it.

If you’re having a bad day, or are just grouchy in general, hold off on calling her. Wait until the next day, when you’re feeling more like yourself. The reason for this is because you want to sound fun and appealing to her, and if you’re feeling less than that, you’ll sound like anything but. When you’re finally on the phone with her, don’t go straight to the date details. Conjure up some memory of your first interaction together. If you met her at a bookstore, ask her how that novel she bought is turning out. If you met her at the park with your dog, tell her that Sparky finally did that trick he wouldn’t do when you met her. You get the drift. By recalling a moment that you shared with her, you’ll create a certain amount of trust within her subconscious. Once the playful banter has slowed down, ask her how her day or week is going. Tell her about a project you’re doing at work, how it’s exhausting you, and that you really need a night out to get your mind off of things. From there, ask her where she’d like to go for your date. Even better, suggest a place yourself. Don’t insist, but really play up the atmosphere, food, drinks, etc. By taking the bull by the horns, she’ll

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By taking the bull by the horns, she’ll likely perceive you as a go-getter.”

likely perceive you as a go-getter, and what woman doesn’t like a go-getter? It’s best to pick a specific day to go on a date, and ask if it works for her. Suggesting that you go out “sometime this weekend” will make you appear too flexible, as though you’ve got nothing better to do. If the particular day you chose does not work for her, then ask her what day would work, and “rearrange your schedule” so that you can take her out. Where to Go Now on to that whopper of a question…what should you do? There are so many choices: movies, museums, sporting events, etc. If you ask me, however, dinner is a great go-to.

Like I said before, the point of a date is to get to know someone better. Movies are too quiet, and sporting events are too crowded. If the first date goes well, then you can move on to more exciting venues like these, but in the meanwhile, you want to become better acquainted with this girl. Dinner is a nice, quiet environment for some valuable, face-to-face time. Don’t think that this date is typical and overused. Sometimes less is more, and for a first date, you should stick to what you’re familiar with. If you know of a great restaurant where you’re acquainted with the staff, even better! There’s nothing better than a good meal, some drinks, and casual conversation. Before hanging up the phone, however, you should find out if she wants you to pick her up or meet you at the restaurant. It sounds odd, I know, but some girls simply aren’t comfortable riding in stranger’s cars (for obvious reasons). If she suggests you pick her up, that’s fine, but don’t be put off if she’d prefer to meet up. Whatever you decide to do, make sure she has your information. That way, if something comes up, she can call and tell you. It’s also not a bad idea to call her the day prior to your date (or send her a text message) to confirm the details, and tell her that you’re looking forward to seeing her again. This demonstrates thoughtfulness on your part, which is something she’s sure to appreciate.

Chapter 7. It’s time for your date!

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ou’re stressed, anxious, and worried about making a good impression. Don’t think you’re alone. Most people – guys and girls – go through this, no matter how many dates they’ve been on. Believe it or not, your date is probably just as

nervous as you are. Relax I would tell you to relax, but I know that’s easier said than done. This is where faking confidence comes in (even though you’ve got every right to feel confident). You’ve done what you thought was impossible, and that’s approach a new girl, strike up a conversation, get her phone number, and set up a date. You’re a superman, so stop beating yourself up. You can do this. A good way to loosen up is to listen to some music, whatever makes you feel good. Take a hot shower, or go for a run. Maybe have a drink, but don’t get sloshed. You want to do this right, so getting drunk before a date is generally a bad idea. In order to alleviate some of your stress on the actual date, it’s important to plan ahead. Pick out

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In order to alleviate some of your stress on the actual date, it’s important to plan ahead.”

what you’re going to wear, and don’t over schedule your day. You want to save ample time for you to get ready (and you thought only girls stressed about this stuff!) On a similar note, if you’re picking up your date, take a trial run to make sure you’ll be on time. The last thing you want is to get lost and show up late. If, for whatever reason, you know you will be arriving later than expected, call your date and let her know. She won’t be angry,

and on the contrary, she’ll be impressed at how respectful and considerate you are. What to say?

So you’re seated at the restaurant. This is the moment you both anticipated and dreaded. She’s seated across from you, and she looks gorgeous. She’s also looking dead at you, and suddenly, you’re aware that you have to entertain each other for the next couple of hours. What should you say? Take a deep breath, and start small. You’ve heard of “talking about the weather?” Why not do just that? Comment on the incredible heat stroke you’re having, or ask her if she knows when this rain will ever stop. Ask how her day or week’s been going. Find out what she did earlier that day. The tiniest conversations can – and usually do – lead into bigger, more exciting ones. Besides asking her questions, share a bit about yourself with her. There’s nothing more exhausting than having to hold the lion’s share of a conversation, so don’t force her to do so. Tell her what you did that day, or how your week’s been going. Share with her a crazy thing that happened at work that week. that goofy thing your dog did yesterday? Why not tell her about it? Notice her appearance. Whether or not you realize it, she went to great lengths to look her best tonight. Make her feel it was worth it. Simply say that she

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Notice her appearance…she went to great lengths to look her best tonight.”

looks great, or even pinpoint how beautiful she is in that dress. One or two genuine compliments can go a long way. And what about food? After all, you’re ordering some, right? Ask her what she likes to eat, and if you’re familiar with the restaurant, suggest something good. Try to get her order before the waiter comes, that way, you can place the order for both of you. Women like this a lot. Once the waiter’s left, however, it’s all up to you. Have no fear! Just refer back to your original meeting. What were some of the topics you two discussed? Bring those up again. Delve a bit deeper into your work and hers. If you’ve got a few jokes, share them with

her. Tell her about the stupid thing your roommate did earlier that week. She’ll probably have a few tales herself. The idea is to loosen up, and in doing so, she’ll loosen up too. Even More Don’ts But loosening up can be tricky, can’t it? One minute, you’re talking about your work or family, and a few drinks later, you’re spilling your guts about things she really shouldn’t know about (at least, not so soon). There’s a gray area between good and bad topics, and the more you familiarize yourself with these, the better off you’ll be. Here are a few not-so hot topics: 

Old Relationships, Exes

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Sexual conquests

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Money

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Religion

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Politics

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The Future (of your relationship, that is)

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Addictions (drugs or otherwise) On a similar note, go easy on the negative talk.

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Energy is contagious…don’t put your date in a bad mood with your sourpuss.”

While talking about your ex is bad enough, it’s even worse to go into great detail of what a bitch she was, or how she left you broken hearted. Always that energy is contagious. People gravitate towards others with positive energy, but when it comes to negative energy, they tend to run as fast as their legs will carry them. Don’t put your date in a bad mood with your sourpuss, or you can kiss your chances at a second date goodbye.

Another thing to consider is how you treat others. As I’ve said before, women are very sensitive to the needs of others, and nothing turns them off more than cruelty. Treat everyone – from the wait staff to the folks at the table next to you – with courtesy. Don’t

think for one second that she’s only noticing the words coming out of your mouth, because she’s noticing much more. She’s noticing your behavior, and not just to her, but overall. Small Talk Once your food arrives, some of the conversation pressure should be relieved. After all, there’s only so much talking you can do with food in your mouth, right? Nevertheless, this does not mean you should shut up all together. There are mounds of small topics you can choose from, so just go with the flow. Ask how her food is, and offer to let her try some of yours. Ask about her hobbies, and share some of yours. If you already know something she’s into, use that to start another conversation. And as I’ve stated earlier, don’t be so focused on what you’re saying that you neglect to listen to her. The words coming out of her mouth could be golden opportunities to discover something you share in common. And the more you share in common, the better your chances of finding a love match! Finally, just be confident in yourself. You asked a girl out, and she accepted. She most likely accepted because she saw something in you that she liked.

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You asked a girl out, and she accepted…most likely because she saw something in you that she liked.”

Even if you aren’t feeling especially confident, work hard to fake it. You can be the ugliest, poorest, most unsuccessful guy out there, but if you act like you’re made out of gold, you can make others believe it. There’s nothing sexier or more attractive than a confident man who knows his worth, and isn’t ashamed of it. Date Conversation at a Glance

That’s a lot of material to absorb, so I thought I’d break it down for you a little. You’re welcome. Here is your date conversation at a glance: 1. Greet her. 2. Comment on how nice she looks. 3. Inquire about her day or week. 4. Make small talk about the weather, restaurant, or your day. 5. Look over the menu, maybe recommend something to her. 6. Talk about topics you both have a mutual interest in (hobbies, shows, work, etc.). 7. Throw a funny joke or story at her. 8. Ask if her meal is good, and offer to let her try some of yours. 9. Throw another compliment her way. 10. Finally, ask if she’d like to go somewhere after dinner (maybe a bar or coffee shop). What if we’re not done talking? Sometimes, a date goes so well, you’d both hate to see it end! All this time, you were worried there’d be dead silences, but the two of you haven’t shut up since. This is great, as it sounds like you’ve found a winner. The date’s gone so well, in fact, that you want to prolong it a bit. By “prolong,” I don’t mean sit at the restaurant for hours. Not only will this upset the wait staff (table turnover is important for making tips), but a little variety can spice up the evening. Why not ask her if she’d like to go somewhere different? Don’t be pushy, but suggest you two go for a walk somewhere. Another, quieter venue – such as a coffee shop – might also be in order, so throw that idea into the mix. Towards the end of the date, it’s important that you suggest seeing her again. Just remind her of what a great time you’ve had, and that you’d like to have more great times. Don’t be ambiguous when suggesting you see each other again, but rather, suggest a specific day to get together. Doing so will demonstrate that you go for what you want, and what you want is her. If she’s feeling the same way, you’ll know.

Parting Ways You thought dinner conversation would be the most awkward part of the evening, but you were wrong. Parting ways is, by far, the most uncomfortable of circumstances. Do you kiss her or not? The tension is definitely in the air, and you can cut it with a knife. Let’s take this step-by-step. You drive her home, and as a courteous gentleman, you walk her to her door. There, the two of you stand awkwardly together, at which time you should remind her again of what a great time you had. She’ll say she had a great time too. If you’ve set up another date, tell her that you’ll call her within the week to hammer out all the details. She’ll probably gush and giggle a little, which is cute. Now onto the big dilemma…do you kiss her? To be

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Do you kiss her? It all depends on the girl, the date, the chemistry, etc.”

honest, I don’t have a clear-cut answer to this. It all depends on the girl, the date, the chemistry, etc. If you’ve got an old-fashioned, good girl, I’d say it’s best to err on the side of caution. Definitely give her a hug, maybe a kiss on the cheek, and leave it at that. With a modest girl, it’s not about “getting some,” but rather, it’s about earning her respect and trust.

If, on the other hand, she’s a bit spicier, chances are good she’s open to a kiss (provided that the date went well, of course). Even in this scenario, however, don’t move too fast. Take a moment to read her signals, her body language. Is she lingering in the doorway, just waiting for something? You can bet that “something” is for you to kiss her, so don’t hesitate. Go for it. But what about the kiss? Should it be hard or soft? Tongue or no tongue? Should you keep your hands to yourself, or use them somewhere? Once again, I couldn’t tell ya, buddy. It all boils down to the girl and the chemistry. If you’re unsure, however, I’d say definitely keep it short and sweet. There’ll be plenty of time in the future for something heavier.

Chapter 8. Moving along…

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our first date has come and gone, and you can’t get that girl off your mind. You want to call her now to set up a second date, but not so fast. There are a few things to consider, and in this section, I’ll cover just that.

Reconnect For starters, I know you’re excited, but try to be cool. Don’t call her the next day, or even the day after that. Doing so will make you appear eager and needy, no matter how good of a time you two had. I’d say three days after the date, and you’re good to go for ing her again. I know it seems childish, but love is a game, and you’ve gotta know how to play it. Just as calling her too soon can be bad, waiting an eternity to her is probably worse. She might think you’ve lost interest, or she may move on to someone else. And when you do call her, she’ll have so much pent up frustration from waiting for you, that her feelings for you will likely go downhill. Wait longer than five days to call her, and you’re treading dangerous waters. At any rate, getting in there and calling her at a reasonable time not only shows that you’re interested, but it demonstrates your desire to get what you want. When what you want is a particular female, she’ll gush. Girls love to know that they’re being thought of, and when it’s a guy they like who’s doing the thinking, even better. Up the ante. If you two really hit it off, try to up the ante for the second date. Did you both discover a ion for the same baseball team? Why not grab some tickets? If she likes artwork, why not head to a museum? If you both love the local music scene, go see some of the bands play. Get creative! Not only is it fun, but it shows that you’ve put thought and effort into her. Eliminate Expectations

You know when you’ve hit it off with someone. With that being said, if she can’t make a second date right away, don’t panic. Chances are good that she’s just got a lot going on. Casually suggest getting together another day, and if that still doesn’t work for her, tell her you’ll call her at a later date. Don’t be grouchy when you say this, though. that confidence is the key. Just as you know when you’ve hit it off with someone, you know when they’re brushing you off. Listen to the tone in her voice, and if it’s stale, she might be disinterested in you. Some women have a nasty habit of making guys believe they like them, when they really don’t. It’s harsh, I know, but it’s just reality. She might not even answer your calls anymore, and if this happens, don’t take it too personally. Just consider yourself lucky that you’re done with that drama. In either case, don’t put all of your eggs in one basket! Just because you met and had a great time with one woman doesn’t mean you can’t ask out more. Dating is supposed to be a fun way to meet people, and hopefully find a match. Now that you’ve got the tools, go out there and make the most out of your love life! Keep at it. Love really is a game, and if you want to win any innings, you’ve got to get up to bat. Sure it’s nerveracking, but it’s the only way you’ll find the relationship you’ve been searching for. So step out of the bleachers, and get down to business! But what if you’ve tried at love, and seem to always fail? Well, it could be your approach, but then

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Just because you had a great time with one woman doesn’t mean you can’t ask out more.”

again, it might not be you at all. There are a lot (I mean a lot) of women who’ve grown afraid of the male sex. Maybe they’ve been cheated on one too many times, or they’re just tired of the pigheadedness. Believe it or not, instances of rape are more common than you realize, as most victims don’t even press charges, much less talk about their ordeal.

Then there are women who are already in relationships, while other women are just frigid all around. Is any of this your fault? The answer is no. So instead of taking rejection personally, consider yourself better off for having faced your fears and conquered them. By keeping things in a healthy perspective, you’ll soon become a professional at talking to a variety of women. When this happens, you’re bound to catch a winner! Just as there are a lot of weary women, there are also a lot who welcome men approaching them. They appreciate honesty, and love being adored upon. Think of what an injustice it would be to them if you stayed in the background, afraid of rejection. You’ve got a lot to offer, so what are you waiting for? Get out there! Sincerely,

PS. Want free updates and future bonus chapters? Got questions on the specific techniques in this book? Then go to my blog by clicking at this link - http://www.DerekRake.com . You’ll get bonus content not in this book for purchasers of Conversational Seduction only. 

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